Play MSTie for Me: Warrior of the Lost World

Stats

Warrior of the Lost World

David Worth

1983

Riffers: Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Season 5, Episode 1)

Premise / Genre

The Man with No Name, but on a motorcycle … after the nuclear apocalypse. Also Mad Max, The Dirty Dozen, and, like, five other movies. Not so much a Spaghetti Western as a Spaghetti-pocalypse, in this low-budget Italian howler.

Movie Poster

Pretty damn cool.

Dross to Gold

In the post-apocalyptic future, following a nuclear war, a nameless stranger rides a sentient motorcycle across the nameless wastes. He tries to evade the evil Omegas, ruled by Prossor (Donald Pleasence), a scenery-chewing bald dictator. Injured in a recent spat with the Omegas, he is nursed back to life by the Elders. His mission is to rescue the father of Nastasia (Persis Khambatta). Her father looks a lot like either a) Jimmy Carter or b) Peter Fonda. With the help of the Outsiders, the Rider (the Paper Chase Guy) saves Nastasia’s father, but Nastasia gets kidnapped by the Omegas.

Joel and the Bots riff away. When the Rider sends an Omega’s car plunging into the quarry’s waters, he remarks how “that’ll upset the panfish.” They also observe how nice it looks after the apocalypse. The Midwest charm of the riffers contrasts sharply with the low-budget silliness of Warrior. This Z-grade ripoff is likened to “Sad Max.”

As with other entries in this series, it is a fascinating study of genre. When the Rider and Nastasia infiltrate the Omegas, they pass through a spider-filled tunnel and come across an Omega pleasure facility, complete with strange liquids to be imbibed and a pansexual BDSM floor show. This leaves Joel and the Bots, well … confused and amused.

The Rider should have come across as The Man without a Name a la Clint Eastwood in full Spaghetti Western glory. Instead, the Paper Chase Guy, makes him out to be a mushmouthed douchebag. When he threatens to strike Nastasia, Joe and the Bots boo. Since this is the post-apocalyptic future, he doesn’t ride a horse, but a weapons-laden motorcycle that talks named Einstein. Like Scrappy-Doo, he inspires hatred and loathing by the Bots. The Bots exude sadistic glee when MegaWeapon finally crushes Einstein beneath its massive wheels. Unfortunately, the Rider survives the ordeal.

Besides being a marble-mouthed crap sandwich, the Rider whipsaws between motivations for his actions. He protests (read: whines) about his upcoming mission to infiltrate the Omegas to save Nastasia’s father. Throw in nonsensical one-liners: “You come here often?” (when they are about to enter the BDSM floor show area) Then, when Nastasia gets captured by the Omegas, he goes full-Rambo and becomes dead-set on saving her. Where did this come from? Before she got caught, he had all the energy of Perry Como on Ambien. WTF, dude?

In the middle of the film, the Rider has to prove his mettle to the Outsiders. We get a scene filled with ninjas, cavemen, paramilitaries, a fat lady, and a midget. During their final assault on the Omegas, Tom Servo lists them off: “White ninjas … black Nazis … and the Beige Berets.” This is less Mad Max knockoff than throwing spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. (Insert lazy joke about this being an Italian production.) I adore the scene’s chaotic energy and multi-genre mashup.

Donald Pleasence chews the hell out of the scenery. Persis Khambatta earns a paycheck … and should have been given hazard pay for pretending to like kissing the Paper Chase Guy. Fred Williamson is also in the movie as part of the Outsiders. Yet Williamson turns out to be on the side of the human Prossor … and Nastasia killed a robot clone of Prossor? The ambiguous ending makes way for a possible sequel. Or as Crow T. Robot says, “Who knows? Who cares?”

In true Spaghetti Western fashion, the Rider kisses the girl and rides into the sunset. But at this point, the Rider is about as welcome as curdled milk. Good riddance. At least we all got to experience MegaWeapon crushing Einstein.

On the credit side of this otherwise slapdash cinematic mediocrity, it does have a kickin’ soundtrack. The soundtrack is used during the Invention Exchange when Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank demonstrate the SquareMaster, their own lazy ThighMaster knockoff. The Eighties synth score elevates an otherwise dismal piece of movie-making.

Hey, you can watch it for free! Check it out!